Dear __________: A Letter to the Gay Christian


Dear *Gay Christian,

God loves you.

And I don’t believe God loves you in the “love the sinner, hate the sin” kind of way, either. He just loves you, ‘cause He’s kind of a loving dude (sure, He was a little tense in the Old Testament, but He totally loves you, anyway). I just think you should know.

Some gay Christians are lucky enough to feel the acceptance of their families, friends, and church. That might not be (probably isn’t) you, though. There’s a good chance you’ve been ridiculed. There’s a good chance you’ve been told you’re submitting to sin. There’s a good chance you’ve been straight up (pun intended) tossed out of the church by the same people who are supposed to reflect the love of God.

I don’t want to pretend I know God’s mind, plan, or purpose for your life. I am not that important (though admittedly, God did make me pretty awesome). Everything I tell you is what I feel. Sure, it’s what I feel after prayer, reading, and discussion. But still, it is what I feel. And *spoiler alert*, I am not God. So I can’t give you assurances about God’s mind. And neither can those people who tell you that you can’t be both gay and a Christian.

In fact, anyone telling you they 100% know God’s heart and mind is struggling in their own way.

The next time you’re trying to “pray the gay away,” the next time a religious “leader” tells you that you’re an abomination, the next time a church politely (or impolitely) asks you to find another church family, I’d encourage you to wonder the sorts of things I wonder. Where do we, mere humans, get off assuming we know anything about how God would view our society today? Why do we assume we’re such experts? God is, at His core, an agent of change in the world.

I feel like God knows what’s up. He knew that you were going to be born in this time, this way, in a world that is straining to change its outlook on love. He knew He created you with a mind. He knew He created you, a human, to advance. He assumed all of civilization would advance. He gave us the minds to do so. Yet, we spend so much time assuming that advancement doesn’t happen in the heart, too, that we withhold (from some people) the love God intended us to share with everyone…including you, friend.

I’m sorry our world is so cruel to you sometimes.

What I want you to take away from my letter is this: I love you because God is love, and I believe reflecting God in everyday life is showing as much love as possible. You don’t need a bumper sticker that says you’re a Christian (but feel free to get one, if you’d like). If you spread love and kindness around, people are going to sense that God has a place in your life. And if you’re already spreading that love and kindness around, thank you. That kindness still matters no matter who you love.

You’re welcome in my home, my business, and my church. I do not judge you because you’re both gay and a Christian. I do not throw the first stone, and I cannot throw the first stone. My house is not a glass house. My house is a glass house with deep cracks, my sins barely (and sometimes not at all) veiled by the covering. My house is one tremor from collapse. I’m a sinner. You’re a sinner, too—but not because you’re gay.

God loves you.

I love you.


A Friend

*The word gay is chosen to represent all marginalized sexual identities within the Christian faith, and not meant to exclude anyone in particular.

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